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All posts for the month November, 2014

Week 40 – Day 1 : Congratulations

Published November 24, 2014 by Katier Scott

Before I start with my usual ramble about what I have been up to I must give a HUGE congratulations to a friend of mine in the USA who has just got out of Surgery!! She’s been transitioning slightly longer than me and had a lot less support, and more problems and issues than I have, so I am so pleased for her!!

She’s just told me she’s feeling pretty good and a little sore, and has a huge smile on her face; and so do I. She’s another of my online friends who’s made it to this stage quicker than I have, and I’m pleased for everyone of them. Most of them have had a rockier journey than me, and while the op isn’t the end of the Journey it’s a step that definitely is one of the biggest.

This week I continued my crazy life of volunteering, working, and keeping busy. I helped run an exhibition at the NEC which I’ve done for 3 years now, and got my reading for the Carol Service.

I also had a meeting with a senior manager which was very positive about trying to sell myself better at interviews. His tips were very useful and I now need interviews to put the ideas into practice. I definitely have been interviewing pretty well but I think the problem has been that I’ve often given them that little bit of ammunition to allow them to say ‘no’ when having to split hairs between candidates.

I also chased up the Gender Clinic today about the letter, still waiting unfortunately, but hopefully will be sorted in the next week or so. I’ll chase them next week as I’m anxious to get on t-blockers having seen the pictures online of another lady who’s just hit 12 months and her boobs were definitely more noticeable than mine at 9. So I really think my t-levels are holding things back, although I MUST say I’m so proud of them.. they still make me smile so much!

Anyway not much to say this week, been pretty quiet. See you in a weeks time!

Week 39 – Say 4 : 9 months down, 3 to go.. maybe

Published November 20, 2014 by Katier Scott

Bit late this week because I’ve been busy, forgot it was a landmark week and wasn’t sure about what to write about, it’s been quite quiet, no job interviews to talk about but I think the first thing is a bit of a project update.

My initial intent was to run the project for a single year, however due in part to the fact I’m not on testoserone blockers I feel the changes are slightly too slow to fit into one year. Therefore I think I’ll probably aim for 18 months and/or up to the surgery point which means the book may include a pair of shots which weren’t intended initially – but I think for the purpose of the project are needed.

I have asked a photographer friend if she will do a pair of full nude shots of me, one prior to surgery, one after surgery. For a transexual that’s a huge thing, but for the project, and to fully document it – at the very least I feel the photo’s need taking. As an artist friend of mine said, if I don’t, then I’ll have missed the chance, if I do then I can at least decide whether to include them.

I have also agreed to do a reading at a local Carol Service in front of a full audience, I’m not religious but it’s a service run by where I work so quite an honor to be asked – so I’m not going to refuse. I’ve done presentations in front of large audiences before, so am certain I’ll be fine – but it’s a nervy prospect non-the-less.

Heck, what do I wear?!!!

Speaking of wearing, there was an interesting post on a group I’m part of where someone questioned the need for RLE prior to treatment, effectively asking “Why should a transwoman dress as a woman, when they are not a TV or CD.” The mistake she was making, of course, was that if your suffering from Gender Dysphoria then your not a man ( talking MtF of course), your a female!!

So dressing in a female style, look and feel is entirely natural and in fact, dressing in a male style could be considered cross-dressing.

So I guess I did figure something to talk about and more interestingly I’ve just had a conversation with a photographer friend of mine.

I asked her if she’d do the nude shots for me.. but her response was spot on – “Your a photographer”.. Yes I’m a photographer but I was doubting my abilities.. which shows even someone who’s blog mentions self confidence and getting on with life a fair bit.. can have lapses.

Especially when I can pull off shots like below, a self portrait which I took several years ago deliberately designed to be very anonymous when it came to gender because it was me, knowing I’m a lady, with a badly shaped body!!

Week 38 – Day 2 : Down the pub!

Published November 11, 2014 by Katier Scott

Still struggling to get past the interview hurdle, another failed interview today see’s me writing this in the pub. Don’t worry folks, not getting drunk but just needed to get out…

Still there is positive news as the consultant at Sheffield, subject to a meeting with his colleagues, said yes.

That is yes to anti-t drugs, which hopefully will be a godsend as I think my t levels are definitely inhibiting the changes. I asked for tablets although wondering if I should girl-up and go for the injection.

Yes to electrolysis, although that might need some negotiations as Sheffield is still mainly geared for local patients.

The same goes for voice therapy, hopefully I can get something local after the initial appointment in Sheffield.

And provisionally yes to Surgery, apparently they won’t refer until 12 months on hormones and I need to , rather annoyingly, provide some docs, including my deed poll, which I haven’t used in years!

So some areas are looking really positive, surgery I hope to have in Brighton as I have heard good things. I also have localish family and friends.

As I write this also texting a good friend and some things she’s said are making a bit of sense. Not giving up either, already working on next job app!

Week 37 – Day 3 : That lightbulb moment!!

Published November 5, 2014 by Katier Scott

Look at the ‘pathway’ for transitioning and it feels and looks like your being asked to jump through hoops and tick boxes to transition.. well that’s not exactly the case – so I realised after my Gender Clinic appointment on Monday.

You see there are two sides to transition, the physical side – and the living side. You could argue there’s also the mental side but look after the first two, and the third should look after itself. The reason for the perception of the need to jump through hoops is the fact you can’t do the physical side, without doing the living side alongside it – for the simple reason you can’t transition if you don’t look after the living side.

In other words, if you won’t/don’t live as the correct gender, and just get on with life – essentially the clinic can’t help you. Why not? Because they only actually deal with the physical side, if your actually finding the physical limitations – and you can’t do that if your not actually living.

Ok some of the physical limitations are kinda obvious, but they aren’t as important – especially initially – as they appear, because first you simply need to live, in order to find them.

My physical limitations list is small, and I bet most peoples will be similar and while very important, equally small.

  1. Genitals – hampering relationships, sunbathing and the ability to go swimming with confidence.
  2. Body hair – my T levels are still too high and this makes things a pain, it’s a minor limitation in the grand scheme of things, but one the clinic can help with, with T-blockers.
  3. Boobs – Swimming and sunbathing and just the mental pleasure of having them!
  4. Hair – I have to wear a wig, once the T-issue is sorted I’m hoping enough will return to allow me to go wigless.

All of this is definitely restrictions and frustrations but doesn’t stop my day-to-day life and as long as some progress is being made on that, the pace, while important, isn’t massively urgent.

So what’s the point of all this wittering on and what was the lightbulb moment.

Well I wont’ tell you all that was said in the meeting because I feel some of it you NEED to understand yourself by realising it yourself, but it’s not something to trip you up – it’s simply you suddenly realising what they need to see from you. It’s a two way process and you need to do the bulk of the transitioning work, they are just there to help out.

The one thing I will say, which was part of this lightbulb moment, was I mentioned I’d re-booked the appointment with her because I had a job interview. The fact I put life ahead of the clinic was important to her from the point of view of being happy that I was fully living my female life.

So the outcome of the appointment seemed very positive, I also had a blood test and hoping I can hurry through the T-blockers because that is my biggest frustration at the moment.

I have my next appointment Monday and the ideal outcome for me would be to get the T-blockers sorted and possibly surgery referral. The latter is less likely, simply because they’ll probably have some steps they want to take, but the fewer trips I make to the clinic the better!!

Anyway, back up to sensible posts related to transitioning.. what HAS this blog come to!