You might recall, back in April, me talking about the loss of a 15 year old, young Roller Derby player, Sam Taub, a loss that effected me quite strongly simply because I connected with him in a way I never expected. More recently the Roller Derby community lost another of their youngsters when a 14 year old skater lost her fight with Depression – both these incidents saddened me, we shouldn’t be loosing young people with bright futures, at this age. We shouldn’t have to be fighting against discrimination and we need to look after our young people – when I qualify as a Mental Health Nurse in around 3-4 years time, I most definitely would like to work to help these people who should be getting every bit of support they need.
But the reason Sam’s story has resurfaced was a fantastic speech by Caitlyn Jenner. Now I’m not someone who particularly follows celebrities, especially when it comes to their lifes especially, let them live them. But Jenner has come out very publicly, and, having listened to her speech I realise she’s using her celebrity to raise awareness, she’s clearly someone who’s grounded and understands the problems people with GD and/or GID face, alongside those who identify somewhere under the Transgender umbrella. During her speech, which was for a well deserved courage award, Jenner mentioned three people, two by name, one of whom was Sam.
This unsurprisingly raised awareness of what happened back in April as many news outlet’s who may have missed the initial story, or ran it at a low profile, suddenly started digging and the result has been a series of fantastically supportive articles in which the result is I so want to fly to Detroit and give Sam’s Dad, Geoff Taub a huge hug. For someone who must be still struggling with the loss of his son, the quotes have been from a very brave and tough person. I already had a lot of respect for Geoff after comments he’d made in response to articles in the Roller Derby community, but his recent quotes are of a very brave person.
One quote really hit home, however. I’d seen Geoff mention it before, but in light of conversations I’ve had with people recently the quote, which was made by Sam Taub when he first told his dad who he really was. Sam said, Dad, “it’s Hearts not Parts” and today really hit home for me.
I am having my little battle with the Gender Clinic to sort out surgery, it’s a battle that appears to be on the home stretch but it’s unlikely I’ll have surgery for another year.. but while I was there chatting to the receptionist I told her how, for me, this whole GIC journey was purely about fixing the ‘parts’ – but ultimately for me it’s what my Heart (well brain) said, I didn’t feel I was transitioning, I transitioned the day I moved into my new flat after splitting with my ex. From that day on my life has been lived as ‘hearts, not parts’ – the parts cause me issues, things like changing rooms primarily are still an issue, however ultimately it’s sorting a few minor things – I live my life as me, what my heart says, not what my ‘parts’ are.
What really moved me, and it’s so sad to hear it still happening, is the story of another trans person who recently mentioned they were having to live as their wrong gender. Speaking to them, despite the trans-person being an adult (gender withheld for maximum anonymity), their parents were clearly not from the Geoff Taub mould of parenting. They can’t seperate the ‘parts’ from the ‘heart’ and worse, are worried about the ‘appearance’ of having a trans-person as their child. I’ve been fortunate, my parents, and family, have all been hugely supportive, heart is what matters, and the fact I’m much more happy, living a much more fulfilling life, and am hugely fortunate – means they are very happy for me.. it’s about Hearts, not Parts, folks.
Which brings me to this blog and my book, I really hope people who might not understand, read it and realise that life is very much about heart, about loving your kids, helping them and supporting them – not about the parts. It’s tough, many supportive parents have mentioned how they went through a grieving process, it needs patience on the part of the person who is living as their correct gender, and sadly as Sam shows, it’s not always enough – but we need to love and care for our kids, show it doesn’t matter what Gender they really are, what their sexuality they are and that they need to be taken seriously and given the treatment and support they need. They don’t need to be forced to live as the wrong gender, have their things thrown out, be forced to undergo degrading and pointless ‘curative therapy’ as happened to Leelah Alcorn.
All our young people need love, support, and access to the right services in a supportive environment, we are losing too many of our young people, and it shouldn’t be happening. Remember folks, it’s Hearts not Parts, give all your kids all the support they need, be compassionate, caring and supportive – and allow them access to all the services they need and deserve. It’s not their fault they are GD/GID, Depressed, Gay, or whatever else, give them all the love and support they deserve.